Year: 2015 (Page 3 of 6)

When I came out, and then started dressing as I’m comfortable, it became very clear to the rest of the world (by their standards) just how gay I really am… which in case you’re still confused, is really really gay. However, when I was diagnosed with diabetes I just kind of looked like I had the flu, and then with my sugars under (relatively) better control, I went back to “looking normal” (whatever the fuck that means… another rant for another day). So here’s the problem with all that… I’m actually kind of sick, and more recently, really sick. I hate that word, you won’t really hear me use it, but in the dictionary definition, objective explanation of things, that’s what I am… my body doesn’t work right and it makes me feel like shit, lately it’s been doing that a lot, and if I don’t get this shit under control soon, it’s just going to spiral… I’m saying this “out loud” as much to the internet as I am to myself. Things are not okay. So I’ve come to a big decision… I’m going to head back east to spend that time with my family… so that I can get better… that’s right, I’m going to let my family help me. I never thought this day would come, I say this sarcastically, but also not really. I said in a previous night scout post that I would never let my parents see my numbers… well guess who is going to setup night scout on their devices for them… that would be me. I even heard myself agree when my mom suggested that they put a baby monitor in my room… I’m 27… and I’m so scared by my lows recently that I actually agreed to that. That should give you a little hint to where I’m at…

In many ways I’m grateful I can get away with passing as being well, it means I don’t have to discuss my health with everyone I meet, I don’t get the fake sympathy, or the weird looks that other illnesses can bring… but for me “passable” has also meant denial, lots of lots of denial

I should probably write about my progress with xDrip… which has been tough, but productive, or how I’m doing with diabetes, bad… but instead I want to talk to you about something wonderful… I’ve been finding pennies everywhere… I had a hunch that my grandfather had something to do with it (yes, I’m about to get all woo woo with this, if you’re not down go read something else)… just confirmed with my mom that I was not making stuff up in my memory, that Tuck (as we called my grandfather) did in fact collect coins from all his travels… I’m talking about spooky, ridiculous, frequent penny finding… I have a thought, I see a penny… holy shit, that thought has just been validated… maybe I’m nuts, but I have a lot of shit going on right now and whether or not I’m making this up in my head I don’t care because it’s helping me… so Tuck, if you’re listening, thanks — keep ’em coming, I need the support. I love you. that is all.

So I had setup my night scout before, but I was using a dummy phone, only on wifi, last night I set up another phone that is on a plan… so all day today I’ve been able to see my numbers while I’m working… without moving or pulling anything out of my bag… I feel a bit off… swipe over to the open browser tab and see how I’m doing… or if I’m already working in the browser window I can just look at the tab name and see my number and my trajectory arrow…. I’m not sure if I can describe how freaking revolutionary this feels. I’m so glad I decided to build the night scout, even though I thought it was only really for parents with t1d kids… I was totally wrong. I love this. Seriously, I might cry… this is so f****g cool.