I feel like I am making progress at being “One Sophie” — I remember a time where I would proudly tell you that I had three Sophies — work, home, and family. While at the time I felt it was efficient, it left me feeling stretched thin, and accountable to no one. I was drifting. looking for something, but I didn’t even know what I was looking for. I have done so much work in the past two years to meet myself where I was/am at and progress from there in the direction of being my best self. I am proud of the work I have done, I am proud of the direction I’m heading. I know this may not sound diabetes related from the start, but really it is… being my best self, as it is possible each day, helps me see clearly through the anger and denial to help me continue to do the tactical things that keep me well, even when I resent it with every fiber of my being. My best self helps me to always behave toward others as I wish to be treated, and to think beyond my quick fuse temper and tongue. I am so thankful for the progress that I have made, and I am even more thankful for the journey that has brought me here and my path yet to come. I never thought I would be able to say/type those words.
So, I haven’t run into any particularly t1d ignorant people recently, but this picture was just too good not to post, especially since I LOVE Star Trek! #Dork #NotAshamed I have to give credit to a friend from the I hate diabetes (type 1) facebook page — great find.
In other news, life is okay right now. Yesterday wasn’t great, but I wasn’t exactly being responsible…. so today is a new day, I brought a diabetes-approved lunch with me to work, I had a McD’s sausage biscuit for breakfast, but I insulin-ed appropriately and avoided a spike… rocking in the mid-100s all morning (#GoMe).
Yesterday was a BIG day.
It was the first real Crossfit class I’ve been to since I started back working out. And it was my first real workout with the Dexcom. It went really well. It was hard. I’m sore today (which means I’m going to be really sore tomorrow). I didn’t crash, I dropped 80 mg/dL in an hour, but I walked out of there at around 90 mg/dL without having to stop in the middle of my workout. I sipped a gatorade/water mix the whole time and had my monitor somewhere where I could see/hear it most of the time. I also battled my ever present “not a part of” feeling — that thought that everyone in the group didn’t like me and no one wanted to be my friend… I’m so awkward (or at least I feel really awkward), in new situations. I am committing to myself and now to the internet universe that I am going to do something active three days per week. I want to do crossfit M/W/F each week, but I will accept any type of exercise to meet this goal. Also, after ten crossfit sessions, I will buy myself new shoes as a prize. #timidlyhopeful #cautiouslyoptimistic
I’m still working through potential diet plans and workout strategies to support staying active… recap of my findings to be posted soon. Special thanks to @t1dactiveliving for her help finding information.
Someone who has done this before might have some useful information. Go figure. Well, I listened and it actually worked. The day before yesterday I went to work out and I took a gatorade/water to sip throughout the workout and I was able to keep up through the whole hour, with no lows, only stopping to test once, and taking quick breaks to drink the gatorade/water — I actually finished my workout higher than I started (but still within range).
I’m excited because this was the first time I have been able to really push through a workout without hitting a “diabetes wall.” It was good, but also scary – in that, once again, I’m the only thing holding me back kind of way… good, but scary.
I will be excited to get the CGM for this — for crossfit taking a testing break out of my times should shave 30-45 seconds off of my overall workout times… as a competitive, type A person, that means a lot. #cautiouslyoptimistic
I feel like my diabetes is the beast that is taking a nap… if I just tip toe around quietly enough, maybe it will keep behaving… (fingers crossed).
So I survived the trip, I had some real rollercoastering on the way there, but minimal while I was there and pretty stable on the flight back. I feel better having done the trip — it seems to have settled that hurdle for me.
In other news, I just started a new job — and boy is it obvious how stress affects my numbers. Since I have been able to mellow out, I’ve barely had to use correctional insulin, just basal in the morning and before bed — probably honeymooning a bit, but I’ll take it.
My doctor recommended a blood glucose monitor last time I went in — still working through all of the insurance stuff, I was not thrilled at first, but my numbers were so out of whack that I was scared enough to agree to it. Now that I’ve had some time to adjust I can see the value in being able to see the pattern/trend of my numbers… even if I am less than thrilled about having something semi-permanently attached to me.
I realize this entry is a bit more of an update, rather than being content driven, but that’s where I’m at today.
I woke up at 160. I made coffee, ate something, and went to work out. I made it through my workout with a half-way test of 183. Post-workout I’ve come in at 243. Not great, but I’m going to address it. I’m not going to panic and freak out, I’m going to do my best and monitor my progress. I’m going to the doctor later today and I will clearly explain what my experience has been and where I think I need help. I will listen to her advice and try my best to heed her direction. I will not beat myself up or hold myself to the overachiever’s standard of perfection. I say all of this, knowing that I will not be able to do any of it perfectly, but knowing that I am going to try my best to take care of myself physically and emotionally.
So, in summary, today is going to be better, because I say so.
In the interest of holding myself accountable to learn more about my disease (I hate phrasing it like that, but I guess that really is what it is), I am committing, here, to the internet, that I will post here with some sort of information, once per week — please feel free to yell at me in person, or via the internet, if I do not deliver on this. That being said, below is this week’s informational discovery…
Having been born in London and therefore having knowledge of the National Health Service (NHS), I thought I would check out the NHS website to see if they might have better centralized information for Type 1 Diabetes — and my hunch was right. They have a great simple overview with well linked material for symptoms, causes, treatments, and complications (found here: NHS Type 1 Overview). Additionally, there is a link to Diabetes UK, which I found immensely more useful than the general US websites, which seem to be more focused on Type 2 diabetics.
I’m going to continue to review and digest this information — I am much more hopeful today, feeling that I have solid information to review. I was very frustrated feeling like I I do not like feeling that I am fully dependent on my doctor to tell me everything in a short appointment every few months — I want to feel like I am participating in making a plan that will support my being able to live my life to the fullest and support whatever activities I choose to pursue.