Dear Diabetes, you suck.

a front end developer who also happens to have type 1 diabetes

Tick Tock

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So I tick now… great. Add that to the list of shit that sucks. like a pest. like a time bomb (that’s an obvious one). worse it’s a reminder. everytime I hear it I feel something different. sometimes it makes me feel like quitting. other times it reminds me that I am bionic. that I’m lucky. that I’m blessed. that I’m sick. I’m dependent. broken. baggage to be handled. forgotten. defective. thankful to be alive. angry. why me. fuck that thing again. I wonder where my numbers are. shit. I still have diabetes. fuck diabetes.

Anytime I feel like I’ve got my shit locked down, I’m at work, or with friends, anytime I’m not thinking about diabetes, blissfully ignorant for a short period of time… tick. and just like that I’m back to reality. the shitty reality of this shitty disease that fucks with every aspect of my life. if anything would convince me to go back to shots… at least they stayed silently in my kit… fuck diabetes.

2 Comments

  1. You will adjust to this but it’s OK to keep ranting. You hate your technology. When I was diagnosed I did urine testing and one shot a day. Therefore new technology through the years was exciting for me and actually liberating. But you’ve been turned into a cyborg almost overnight and it has become the hated face of diabetes. No great advice for you, but you will be fine. You’re too strong and vibrant not to be:-)

  2. Thanks Laddie — cyborg pretty much captures it, haha. I do try to remember how lucky I am, but that gets overshadowed sometimes… or a lot… I’m working on it 🙂

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