Dear Diabetes, you suck.

a front end developer who also happens to have type 1 diabetes

cherishing sensor free time…

pigs-fly.517.416.sI know that I’m not supposed to do this… but I just feel free. I took my dexcom off last night. and I felt like going to bed. I didn’t want to jarred awake two hours later, so I made sure my numbers were alright, and I went to bed with no sensor on, I feel free. I can soap up in the shower without worrying about bumping it and messing up the adhesive. My dog can jump in my lap and I don’t have to worry about where her paws are landing. I just feel better, natural, the way I’m supposed to be. I can’t convince my self to put it back on… I keep thinking “do I really have time right now? what will I be doing in two hours? will it work? no… I’ll do it later.” and it keeps getting pushed off. rebellious teenager or tired diabetic… maybe a bit of both. I have to replace my ominpod tonight too, so maybe I’ll just do them at the same time… you know what that means though… I could have total device free time… I told myself I wouldn’t do this… but I’m so excited… I know it will just be for a few minutes (as long as I behave), but I am so excited to be device free even if it’s for such a short time… I know it’s not a good idea. Lunch is hitting me right now, and I really wish I could just know where I’m at — I’m so used to having the dexcom. even though I hate my devices, they are so damn helpful. oh well… we’ll see what happens… maybe I’ll be responsible, I mean eventually pigs will fly, right?

4 Comments

  1. rebellious teenager or tired diabetic….wow, that is gonna ring in my head for a while. story of my life (especially with diabetes). i was at the endo today and talked for the first time about a dexcom. im scared and excited and nervous and anxious and hopeful about possibly starting it.

    i know what its like to have the constant reminder physically attached to your body that you are different and fucked up. i hated it when i was on the pump. ive been off of it for years now, and if i have one thing to say, its this: fuck diabetes and what it makes me feel…but take advantage of what we can do to make it better. i hated my pump every second i had it stuck to me. i hated the injection sites, and the stupid glue that stayed at the site for days after. it sucked so hard when i woke up at night because i rolled over on it the wrong way. back at sjc, i got chewed out for wearing a cell phone on my pocket by countless JROTC teachers and squad, platoon, battalion leaders. i even cried when i thought about how much it showed everyone my greatest weakness. having said all of that, i miss it. i do all my shots through injection right now. i hate the sensation of putting a needle in me multiple times everyday. its so old, boring, and painful…most of all painful. these things are here to make sure our lives are as pain free as possible. they suck and they dont fix the problem (they kinda just start another one), but they make us hurt just a little bit less (physically) and i think im okay with that idea now. i hope to get the dexcom going in the next month or two, and pump started once i get used to the CGM.

    i dont like anything about this dumb disease, but we are stronger than it is. i hate to hear myself say that because it is so hard for me to believe (5+ years of 10.5 or higher a1C), but its true. cherish the time you are disconnected, i know i did. utilize what we can though, even if its a constant reminder we are not quite well.

    i hope alls well otherwise. it makes me so happy that you are in tune with what this disease is really all about (imho), the mental strain. it sucks, but you are an amazing person and this is just a portion of your life that you (and i) have to deal with until a cure is found. it wont be forever, and we can help spread awareness and continue to work towards being healthy. much respect and love to you and those that are helping us get over this shit. hit me up if you ever wanna talk

    cheers gurl

    • Mark – thanks so much for writing — I can’t imagine dealing with all of this so much younger, the mental fortitude to deal with all of this is a for me strain now… I knew you were awesome, but I had no idea what you were dealing with while we watched Emma and Jamie eat like garbage disposals… haha. I can imagine that teachers and esp JROTC being less than fond of anything that looked remotely like a cellphone… that sucks. I totally understand hating the “I’m sick” indicator being on visible all the time, but the usefulness has worn me down. I still hate it, but I begrudgingly see the items in the pro column. Let me know if you want to talk about the dexcom or the omnipod (I couldn’t even consider tubing) — phone, text, skype… just let me know 🙂 xo

  2. Good for you. I would take a sensor break every so often for a few days when on it. You got to remind yourself what it feels like to not have an uncomfortable open wound covered with tape sticking to your side every so often.

    • open wound… I forget that reality sometimes. It definitely takes another diabetic to understand all of this. thanks for your support

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