today I had a lunch meeting. when the food arrived, I was engaged in the conversation and didn’t want to pause to give insulin (and/or answer questions) — even though it would just require one finger stick/test, a little carb-googling and entering numbers into the omnipod PDM… now that I write that out, it seems more reasonable to skip it… that’s a lot of hassle. Anyway, so I skipped giving my insulin at lunch, I gave it right after, but still felt the affects of the high, almost decided to go home for a nap instead of working from a coffee shop… I needed outside circumstances to keep me working… coffee shop it is. Anyway, so I’m sitting here, getting a fair amount of work done, when I’m like… I want a cookie… I can’t banish the thought out of my brain, I carb-google it and it’s not so bad, so I go to buy it, turns out what I thought was a cookie was actually a scone… I don’t know the carb count off hand, I know it’s bad, I order it anyway. I walk back to my table, knowing that I am choosing to do something bad, calorie king says 70g… fuck it. I take my blood and enter it all in… and now I’m feeling sleepy again… funny, “I wonder how that happened?” she says sarcastically… fuck me. And I still have work to do… and I can’t stop thinking about things that I can’t have. It’s driving me crazy. it’s like my mind is on a loop. sometimes what I want and what is good for me is not the same thing… or so they tell me, I guess I can always choose to disobey, I’ll try it this way for a bit… one moment at a time.