trueseekerAdopting the principle of rigorous honesty into my life has consistently helped me to stay sober and mentally sane. However, sometimes it also forces me to do things that I would usually avoid.

While working for my mom’s company I helped her figure out and address complicated insurance claims for her clients. This skill and experience has proved to be immensely helpful for me. Everytime I catch a mistake with my insurance, and correct it, i.e. “Win at Insurance,” I call my mom, it’s almost like beating a level on a video game.

So the day I started on the omnipod, I got home and started reviewing some medical claim forms — I found a mistake, called insurance, got it corrected (yay!) and then called my mom. I called the house line, my dad picked up the phone. *A bit of small talk about something I don’t remember and then he asks me directly, “When are you starting the insulin pump?” and then rolls right into how it’s so much better, and I really should get on that — in very non-committal language I explain that I’m not excited about the pump, I know the good statistics and I am still wrapping my head around the idea of the pump… all true facts, but not the whole truth. As I had called to speak with my mom, my dad then passes the phone off and I briefly tell my mom about the insurance win, and then she directly asks me when I’ll be starting on the pump… I can’t lie again, but I also don’t like telling different parents different stories. I ask if I’m on speaker, no I’m not, and then I tell my mom the truth — I had just started the pump that day, and while that was a fact, I didn’t want to talk about it. She was very respectful about it, I told her that Daddy had asked me too and that I hadn’t told him, asking her to please not mention it until I had a chance to talk to him myself.

I hung up the phone and immediately felt dirty. I knew I needed to tell my dad too — I had basically lied by not answering his question and then I had made it worse by caving to my mom when she asked the same question. I continued working and found another problem with another insurance claim, I called them again — I won at insurance again! I decided to call the house back under the auspices of sharing the joy of another insurance win. This time my mom picked up the phone, I shared the good news quickly, and then explained that I wanted to talk to my dad.  It was a short conversation. I explained to him the same thing that I had to my mom, that yes, I had in fact started the pump that day, and yes yes, that was wonderful, but I wasn’t all that thrilled about it and I didn’t want to talk about it. But I was honest and that made me feel better. Both of my parents were great when I told them the truth, respecting my request not to talk about it, just letting me know that they care and that they want the best for me health-related and otherwise. I appreciate a lot of things, but that day I really appreciated the healthy boundary that we have worked together to set where I can share sensitive information with them, without having to worry about managing their reactions — this has been a long journey for us. I am sure that we will continue to grow, but for today, I am thrilled with the progress we have made. Still not thrilled with the omnipod, but I’ll continue that rant on another day…

 

*I hesitated to write this because it has recently come to my attention that my parents are reading this too — but the spirit of this blog is complete and total honesty, and while I felt compelled to add this note,  I have said nothing here that I would not stand behind in any conversation.