fire-walkI thought my feet were just dry… I should remember to put lotion on them. I did, it didn’t change. I found myself taking off my flip flops when sitting down and putting the bottoms of my feet on the cool floor, soon the patch of floor under each foot was warm too, so I would move them around… I had never done this before. I’m pretty sure I’m not imagining this. I’m pretty sure it’s diabetes related. I’m pretty sure there’s a name for this. I’m going to pretend it’s not real. that worked for a few days. I think I know what it is, but I’m not going to google it, because maybe it will still go away. It’s not going away. I think it’s neuropathy. What does this mean? Is this what my feet are going to feel like forever? What if they get worse? that happens, right? I thought I was years away from “complications” what the fuck is this?! I’m back in half denial about even having diabetes and it feels like my feet are going to burn off any second. Steady numbers, minimal insulin, and burning feet? WTF. I just don’t understand what I did to deserve this. Why did this happen? the burning feet, the diabetes, the bipolar, the alcoholism… how shitty was I in a former life that I get to deal with all of this? Why can’t I just be normal?!

Or how strong must I be to be able to overcome these things? That is a question one of my good friends would ask me. I would grimace at her and tell her that she’s full of shit. Here’s to hoping she’s right.