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I’ve been delaying finishing this post — I think it’s because I’m in “Low-Denial,” or at least I’m in denial as to how bad my lows have been getting.

I made this graphic after I hit 24 in the middle of the day last week, it was bad, but also a little funny because I was so out of it I ate half a bag on mini doughnuts, which in hindsight is still funny, even despite the ridiculous high that followed… Then I hit 24 again the other night, right as I was getting ready for bed. Thank god I wasn’t asleep already. It was more than scary, it was terrifying. I could not eat fast enough and then my meter kept reading “LOW.” Twenty minutes later, it’s still reading “LOW” — then I really start freaking out… “do I call a friend? no, I’m not waking anyone up at 1am… do I call 911? No, this isn’t a real emergency…is it? No. but is it? probably not. Am I going to die? If not tonight, is this how I’m going to go? What will happen if I die here, by myself? I don’t want to die. Sophie, you’re not dying, drink some god damn sprite.”

I did not die, as I am writing to you now, but I did get the pants scared off of me. Not scared enough to convince me that I need a pump, but scared enough to begrudgingly agree when my doctor brought it up, yet again, during my most recent appointment… more on that later.