(This started as a text to a friend who is also a sober diabetic, but then I decided against reaching out #bigsurprise)
You know those jokes that people make in a room full of alcoholics, that sober people wouldn’t think were funny… I feel like there are things I can’t say because only diabetes would understand. For example, right now I’m playing that stupid game where I know that I’m low, but I don’t feel like fixing it, so I’m just sitting here with a sprite next to me, refusing to drink it, even though I just tested and I know I should drink it, and I know I should send this, but I won’t — and I just tested again so I tell myself that I’m fine even though I’m really not, I’m just less not fine (I’m avoiding putting numbers in this post because I don’t want to admit how stupid I am/how bad my choices are/were). And another test and even less not fine, almost regular fine*. boom. I was right. I am fine. This does not bode well for me taking care of myself next time. I’ve already started putting the meter under my pillow when it beeps for a low in the night, like an unwanted alarm clock. What happens next time? Do I make it? If I nap, will I wake up again? If I don’t, who will take Casey? Nvm, that’s a stupid question, of course my dad would take her. You thought I was ready to grow up and take proper care of myself..? Jokes on you, I prefer to act like an adolescent and refuse to do anything, even if it is in my best interest.
*the “fine” that you say to other people when you’re not fine, but you just want them to go away
[I did eventually come back up to a normal level, but not because I ate anything, I’m not sure why, it’s a mystery]