3/24/14: My CGM arrived today. I’ve opened the box and looked inside and opened the boxes inside the box, and closed them again. They are now stacked neatly on the side of my desk, staring at me, as I glare back at them. It feels like the opposite of a christmas present… but it’s supposed to be good, it’s supposed to help me, it will help me. [glare at boxes]

I’m afraid to do it. I’m afraid not to do it. I’m stuck.

So, I just watched the dexcom video again, and re-read my friend’s email again… this sensor tool looks barbaric…  where am I supposed to put this again? Maybe if I just pretend it’s going to feel like I’m being stabbed with a knife, whatever it does feel like won’t be so bad in comparison. So, I’m sitting here with a quesadilla staring at the boxes. Now what?

Fast Forward to today — 1.5 days in: While eating my quesadilla and staring at the boxes, I took up a friend on her offer to come over and help me. It was not the end of the world like I imagined it would be — nor did it feel like I was stabbing myself. It surprisingly barely hurt at all, it was super strange to use the injection tool, but not terrible. Then there was the receiver… I swear I looked at the number on the box… turns out I entered it wrong… that was 30 minutes of wondering why it wasn’t working… but in the end it was able to get a signal, I waited until the next morning to calibrate (it went off asking for calibration after I fell asleep… my alarm clock reflex turned it off). And so far so good… it’s nice knowing where I’m at, irritating when I would have ignored how I felt (ex. when in a meeting at work), but nonetheless probably for the better. It’s annoying to remember to keep it with me all the time, I have ordered a purse/bag that I will hopefully be able to use to put in my briefcase and solo to solve this problem. I love data, that is not new. I’m still conflicted though. It caught a quick drop last night, which was great, but wearing the sensor makes me feel weird. Living in Southern California, I know it is going to be beach season soon… and then my sensor will label me as a sick person… I’m not thrilled about that, but I’ll cross that bridge when I come to that. For now I’m wearing clothes to cover it and it’s helping… now to just keep telling myself that…