It’s hard to be mad about anything with Southern California weather. However, today sucks. I’m still reeling from the break up, my numbers have been off (not terrible, but just unstable enough to be really annoying). I’m having to babysit my doctor and the dexcom rep to figure out how to get my approvals through. Switching insurance is a bitch. Don’t do it. Just keep the job you don’t like, it’s totally worth it not to have to deal with all of this. Okay, maybe not, but this sucks. So much paperwork, it’s like another job… I should start putting this shit on my resume… “master insurance paperwork filer – level diabetes”

Then there’s the whole… just hang on until I get the CGM, then everything will be okay/get better. Except now I’m starting to think that I’m putting too much faith in the CGM making a difference and then it’s going to come and it’s not going to fix anything and I’m going to be disappointed and frustrated all over again.

I really just want to take a nap. from life. 

I just took my blood sugar. this shit makes no sense. forget the nap. I want to take a coma from life. it is very unfortunate that I’m sober because I could really use something to take the edge off and help me zone out, away from all this badness. Fuck this. Fuck Diabetes. Fuck Life. I’m so fucking tired right now, but I’m at 89… what the fuck, how does that make any sense. It feels like my brain is shutting down, maybe my brain is quitting like my pancreas did… 6 months ago I couldn’t have told you what a pancreas did… I miss that. I want the before back. Wow, I’m way more upset than I realized. This shit sucks. I know it’s only temporary, but it’s terrible. 

I’m going to take a nap.