Dear Diabetes, you suck.

a web developer who also happens to have type 1 diabetes

Month: February 2014 (page 1 of 2)

Facing the truth.

Truth: I have not been taking care of my diabetes to the best of my ability

Truth: I know better and am capable of better

Truth: the only reason I’m admitting/facing this right now is because I have to go to the doctor next week

Truth: I’m cutting myself more slack than I deserve, I’m still new at this, but that does not cover actively choosing to eat anything I want rather than following guidelines of any sort

Truth: On my way home last night, I didn’t stop at 7-11 and buy myself that giant chocolate bar I wanted. #GoMe

(Enter Profanity Here) Diabetes.

I just feel alone today. I’m sick of this problem. I can’t even come up with the word to describe how I feel about diabetes today. I’m off of work for a bit in between jobs — which should be a good thing, I should be enjoying myself — doing whatever I want. Instead I’m thinking about my stupid blood sugar. #fuckdiabetes

Dear Diabetes, Hell No.

Hell No. That was my reaction when I first heard about the options of an insulin pump and/or a glucose monitor. I still hate the idea of having something attached to me, really hate it… but, I’ve been experiencing so many lows recently, it has started to get scary. I get in denial about feeling low and then to compound that I seem to be able to drop 200+ points in an hour and a half or less #fml. It’s gotten so bad I actually started to consider a glucose monitor as an actual option… the reality of it just seems terrible, but if the alternative is passing out and maybe dying (see: I feel sick. I might die?)… maybe it’s worth a closer look.

Dear Diabetes, I’m wearing blue today.

I’m wearing blue today to do my part to help bring attention to World Diabetes Day, and to advocate and bring awareness for diabetes and the people living with it.

Check out the Facebook page for Blue Fridays — this is sponsored by the Diabetes Community Advocacy Foundation (DCAF), a pretty neat foundation I stumbled upon whose mission is to connect, support and educate people living with diabetes by encouraging open and meaningful discussion of current issues impacting diabetes care through the use of social media and other platforms. #verycool

Thanks Diabetes. #not.

I wake up a bit low — drink some juice real fast because I was going to work out… had a decent workout, ending at 139 mg/dL, great, I eat breakfast, give insulin accordingly and then 3 hours later I’m at 58… actually felt like I might pass out… great. thanks diabetes. #not. after a crap load of peppermints (I’m at the office, reminder to self: plan better for lows when not at home), I’m back up to 139… great. Now it’s lunch time… now what? Set up for another crash? Just go high and try to fight the mental fog? this sucks. I’m sorry I can’t be more positive about this, I feel like I should be making more progress, but I’m just angry and frustrated and slightly dizzy. #badday

Seriously Diabetes?!

So frustrated today. I went to have blood work done… yet another appointment to try to work into my schedule. I booked the appointment for 8am, figuring I would be able to just get it done and get to the office. First off, I had to eat enough last night in order to be high enough this morning so I didn’t need to eat when I woke up (and not worry about passing out while driving to the lab). Then I forgot the lab orders and had to drive back to my house. Then I realized I’d taken my vitamins… would that mess up the fasting?! Then they wanted a urine sample… and I did not have to pee. I was ready to bag the whole thing and try again next time (never mind the fact that I need to get all this done in time for my next doctor’s appointment,  that is now quickly approaching). The wonderful lab tech was able to “talk me off the ledge” and resolve everything as best as possible. Even with the okay ending, this really did set my morning off kilter… but I’m trying to recover and/or start over now.

A serious question for you Diabetes, how am I going to fit all these extra doctor appointments, blood work, diabetic educator appointments and dietitian sessions into my schedule with a full-time job?!

Takeaways:

  • Always fast before blood tests, even if you’re not sure
  • Always drink a bunch of water, just in case
  • Study up on the blood tests that are being ordered so I can understand what they are testing for

I think I found my people.

As I was writing I feel sick. I might die? I saw @t1dActiveLiving‘s comment on Shit. Which pen did I use?!Fuck. so I checked out her profile, which lead me to #sparearose — the International Diabetes Federation campaign to raise money to support providing the best possible care, given local circumstances, to all children and youth with diabetes in developing countries — this was incredibly eye opening. I was instantly grateful for the doctors and tools that are available to me. Using Twitter to search #sparearose, I was able to find others talking about diabetes, but more importantly to me, I was able to find people talking specifically about type 1 — this was a major break through for me. In order to keep track of all this new and awesome information I created a twitter list with all the Type 1 Tweeters that I have been able to find — this includes people and companies, really anyone on twitter talking about type 1. The other really helpful resource I found was Moment’s of Wonderful’s Real Life Bloggers page — this is so cool — not all of them are well-written or even up to date, but they are other real voices, talking about their problems, triumphs and just thoughts.

And then all of a sudden I was not alone. I went from scared and alone to overwhelmed with information — I much prefer having the information than not having it, but it was a lot to take in. Diabetes went from this thing that was a barrier to everything, something with no workable solution, to something that I could actually take control of — something I could master, something that would not be a barrier for anything. All of a sudden the world was my oyster again, with a few caveats and some new rules, tips, and tricks to learn… and even though that is good, it was is scary at the same time.

Out of all of this, I have an overwhelming sense of relief… I think I’ve found my people.

I feel sick. I might die?

So I’m not feeling well today — just a bit of a cold, but yesterday I had a low grade fever and I freaked out, all I could think about was decreased healing and how my diabetic friend was recently hospitalized for flu complications…ahhhh! Anyway, so after I recovered from my bout of hypochondria, I started wondering what the real complications were, rather than the just the exaggerated ones in my head. I’ve been wondering about possible complications (i.e. negative consequences) lately anyway, so it seemed like a good time to investigate further. As far as I can tell, most long-term complications are attributed to consistently high blood sugar — Here’s one of the more succinct summaries I’ve found:

“People with diabetes have an increased risk of developing a number of serious health problems. Consistently high blood glucose levels can lead to serious diseases affecting the heart and blood vessels, eyes, kidneys, nerves and teeth. In addition, people with diabetes also have a higher risk of developing infections. In almost all high-income countries, diabetes is a leading cause of cardiovascular disease, blindness, kidney failure, and lower limb amputation.” (International Diabetes Federation — who knew there was a Federation for diabetes… it makes us sound like we’re in Star Trek or something)

Anyway, that all sounds rather gnarly — makes me grateful that I’ve been fighting the lows lately rather than the highs, although then I might pass out — which would then take me back to the glucagon issue… which then got me wondering, other than the generic “pass out,”  what are the real possible consequences of low blood sugar, or hypoglycemia…

According to WebMD…Symptoms can be different depending on how low your blood sugar level drops.

  • Mild hypoglycemia can make you feel hungry or like you want to vomit. You could also feel jittery or nervous. Your heart may beat fast. You may sweat. Or your skin might turn cold and clammy.
  • Moderate hypoglycemia often makes people feel short-tempered, nervous, afraid, or confused. Your vision may blur. You could also feel unsteady or have trouble walking.
  • Severe hypoglycemia can cause you to pass out. You could have seizures. It could even cause a coma or death.

Wow. “coma or death.” that’ll sober you up quick. oh wait, I don’t drink.

**Sidebar: I felt a bit shaky just then, I tested and I’m at 56. Fuck me. Hold on, going to eat something, be right back. Real thought process: What should I eat? I could have those powdered doughnuts I really like. I’d have to drive my car. shit. I might pass out and crash/die. I could walk. fuck. same problem. I guess I’ll have juice.**

And I’m back… so anyway… where was I… oh right, coma or death. fan-fucking-tastic. I think that’s a post-ender right there. Even if it isn’t, I think I’m going to sign off here. I’m waiting to recover from this low, irritated as hell, shaking like I have Parkinson’s (#notappropriate #don’tcare), and unable to focus… and maybe a little short-tempered… just maybe (see above symptoms of hypoglycemia). Happy Diabetes! woo.

The best way out is always through. – Robert Frost

I found these quotes and they helped me to feel a little bit better.

Shit. Which pen did I use?! Fuck.

Yup I just did it again. 5 units of long acting insulin in the am — sure, np. I got that — a set amount, at a set time, no math — easy. Nope. Fuck. I just gave myself 5 units of short acting insulin instead of long acting — that’s 60g of carbs for me right now.  Best part, I didn’t realize it for close to an hour. At least I didn’t crash while driving. Fuck. Off on another roller coaster day. Great. Fantastic.

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